Tennis Without Hot Chicks Is Borning

I like tennis a lot. Wifey got me interested in it when we started dating. At first I watched it with her so I could get in her pants, but I eventually grew to love the sport. I was pretty excited about this Wimbledon, but then the best looking women in tennis lost.
What am I supposed to do without them around? It's terrible, just terrible.
OK, OK, more pictures now.

RIP Dan Pires

Another loss
Standard Times Columnist, and Patriots beat writer Dan Pires passed away suddenly yesterday. Malach did not know him personally, only meeting him a couple of times, my Father knew him slightly better, but the little contact I had with him, and the stories I had heard, the columns I have read, he was a awesome guy, quick with a smile, always there to help, and damn good reporter. He was loved by not only his colleagues, but by many of the Patriots, other beat reporters, and sports journalism figures. There was a nice tribute to him on WEEI this morning, and a nice tribute from Standard Times reporter David Brown. I know I will miss his columns.

I am Malach, and I have another local death to report tonight

The Natural?

Has anyone actually read the book that the movie is based on? I liked the movie a lot, but I'm not sure if I should read the book. Any thoughts from the peanut gallery?

The Finals Are Over?

Wait. I was in LA and I didn't see any celebration... HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh.

Sorry. Poised and unbiased. Ahem.

This series was a disappointment. Not for a Boston fan, obviously, but for a basketball fan. We were sold a bill of goods. And ESPN/ABC are still selling. They tell us The West is the tougher of the two and the Lakers were just worn out. No. The Lakers were not a good team. At all. They are one good player, Kobe.

The East is clearly superior. Cleveland and Detroit, hell even Orlando could have 'beat LA'. But people are still buying what they're selling. Utah, San Antonio, don't forget CP# in Nwarlins, y'all! BOYAAAHHH! Bullshit.

You want a team to watch out for? Orlando.

Sure, Boston has a nail on wood favorites chance of reaching the Finals again, but the east will get tougher (except Detroit. note to self, mail check to Flip Saunders for Pistons implosion and fall of Tayshauwnn Prince). Atlanta isn't going to sit still. Cleveland will make a few moves.

So, although satisfying, when a series ends in six with a 39 point blowout and the media favorite is on the losing end and LOOKS like losers, you have to wonder... did they sell me Boston v Los Angeles?

More From I Had A Hammer

"One time that relief pitcher for St. Louis, 'The Mad Hungarian', Al Hrabosky -- the one who was always strutting around the mound and talking to the baseball -- one night he struck out Hank in a big spot to win the game, and he was jumping up and down and making a big show. The next time we saw him, Hank hit one into the upper deck, and when he got to the dugout, he said, 'Let's see the son of a bitch find that one and talk to it.' " -- Paul Casanova.

"Not long after I got my three thousandth hit that year, Willie got his. It was the first time I had ever reached a milestone ahead of him, and, frankly, it felt good. But Willie was still more than forty homers ahead of me, and that's where the attention was focused. It was still mostly on Willie, and I'd be lying to say it didn't bother me a little bit, because the same thing had been going on for fifteen years. I had to work at not being envious of Willie. I always told myself that my time would come. I considered Mays a rival, certainly, but a friendly rival. At the same time, I would never accept the position as second best. I looked at Willie as my guideline. There were certain things that I couldn't do as well as he could, but I felt if I could do some things a little better, I should and maybe would be classified as the same type of ballplayer. I've never seen a better all-around ballplayer than Willie Mays, but I will say this: Willie was not as good a hitter as I was. No way." -- Hank Aaron.

Excerpts From "I Had A Hammer: The Hank Aaron Story"

This is a great read that I recommend to everyone. Here's what someone had to say about Hank Aaron and his status among the greats of the game:

Maybe we felt that way because guys like Hank and I didn't get the publicity we should have, due to the fact that we were playing in Milwaukee. Goddamn Winfield gets more publicity just arguing with Steinbrenner than we got our whole careers. Willie Mays, in my opinion, wasn't as good a player as Hank Aaron, but whenever Willie did something, the New York press and the skies lit up. I just felt that Hank was a touch better than Willie. Hank was a complete ballplayer. He never threw to the wrong base, never missed the cutoff man. Willie never hit the cutoff man. Christ, we had a standing rule with the Braves, keep running on Willie, because when he throws home you can go to second in a fox trot. Henry didnt steal bases like Willie, but goddamn, he could steal bases. He could run like hell, and he didn't even look like he was running. I'll be you in a footrace, Hank would have beaten Willie. But he didn't run like Willie. Willie was like Clemente -- when he ran it looked like he was coming apart at the seams. It was hard to eplain with Henry, but he could hit full speed in three steps and look like he wasn't even running. -- Eddie Mathews.

Stupid Mariners

Look, as a Cubs fan, I can tell you that promoting Jim Riggleman to be your manager will do absolutely nothing for you. In fact, I'm sure that just having him on the staff in the first place is a bad idea and that he's probably the sole reason you all have such a shitty record. Enjoy wall0wing in your own idiocy, Seattle.

NL Ball

I know that Malach doesn't like NL ball, but that is because he's an uneducated fool. I, for one, love NL ball. I hate the DH, I think it's bad for the game. It's part of an overall problem with the game, an emphasis on homeruns instead of hitting.
What I like about the NL is that you still get to see bunts. There is nothing better, in my mind, than a well-executed bunt. In the AL, you almost never get to see a bunt. Why? Too much emphasis on swinging for the fences. While seeing a pitcher bat may be boring to some, Zambrano is one of the best hitters in the league. If he moved to the outfield, he'd hit forty a season easy (he pinch-hits fairly often). He'd probably hit .300, too. I know that most hitters stink, but I blame the managers. If the managers would make pitchers spend more time hitting, you'd see better hitting from the nine spot, like you did with the Braves in the 90s; Maddux, Glavine, and Smoltz were all very, very good hitters.
Another thing I like about not having the DH is that teams steal bases. I love base-stealing, there's a lot to it. There are pickoffs, attempts by the 1B to hold the runner, and there is timing. It's a fun battle to watch that is, with few exceptions, almost entirely restrained to the NL (unless Rickey Henderson is on a team). The BoSox this year are a true exception to the "big ball" of the AL as they are playing a more NL "small ball" style, but have a good enough lineup to mix both styles and still hit for power.
I also don't like how the AL keeps incomplete ball players, guys who don't respect all parts of the game, around. Man, I tell you, you couldn't keep a lot of the old-timers off the field. No sir, they would demand to be out there. Why? Because that's part of the game. Sitting on your ass for nine innings and occasionally getting up to hit just isn't baseball. If you can't play a position, then maybe you don't belong in baseball. But I know the game changes and that this is my weakest argument, which is why I buried it in the post.
Finally, the DH has caused too many AL pitchers to head-hunt. Guys like Clemens and Pedro are the best examples. But when they got to the NL and had to face retaliation, they didn't throw at heads. It keeps the pitchers honest, it keeps the game fair. Pitchers don't get to take it easy and act tough when they aren't tough and are afraid to face retaliation. In the NL, they know that if they throw at someone, they will have to face the consequences, and that's why they don't as often in the NL.
It's a great style of play.

Pride

What a game. I am not ready to write a whole blog on the Championship, so I leave you with the picture. This epitomizes this Celtics team: Pride, Family, History. Look at this picture; you got Eddie House's kid who was at just about every game, an unofficial mascot and motivator, as well as other kids, and wives (Pierce, Perkins, Powe, and Garnet all became Dads this year). You got Bill Russell, Tommy Heinson, and John Havelichick(number 17, 17th Banner, on June 17th). The only thing missing is Red Auerbach smoking a cigar . . .

I am Malach, and I thought KG's head was going explode after the game.

A day the will live in infamy!

Shocking!
I actually agree with Hank Steinbrenner . . . I hate NL baseball! I don't want to see pitcher bat. I hate to see their feeble attempts at swings, their chances of injuries increasing, and killing rallies. What is fun about an automatic out at least 3 times a game? Unless you there for the unintentionally comedy, or the occasional pitcher hit, it serves not purpose. Ok, it is kind of funny to watch Bartolo Colon's fat ass swing a bat once, but man, I can see that in my Softball League.

Bring the DH to the National League, it is time. Stupid baseball purist, the DH is an awesome rule and makes the game much more fun? The pitchers batting rule stretches back to the 1800's. Hey we changed a bunch of things from back then. The height of the mound, the fly over the fence automatic out, better gloves, better cleats, better training regimes, steroids. One NL fan give me one good reason pitchers should continue to bat. I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

Don't whine about strategy, I could care less about the double switch. Give them the best chance to win, that is with the DH. Do it now, do it before there is instant replay!

Now for a little experiment, I want to see if I get followed.

Militant Christians who bomb abortions clinics are not following Christ's teaching and going right to Hell!

Scott Peterson is sick murderer.

I am Malach and I am being stalked by the internet crazies.

ODDS AND ENDS

Odd that everyone seems to be surprised that Ray Allen is playing so well in this series. Ray has made a hall of fame living lighting up western conference lack of defense. He has done just that his entire career. He knows the Laker's lack of defense better than anybody on the Celtics and that includes the coaching staff. Allen should be the MVP of the series His play has been nothing less than spectacular. Unfortunately for Ray, Paul Pierce will get that honor. Paul has outplayed Kobe so far and is the emotional leader of the Celts. Those two things alone will win him the honor.

Odd that the Celtic's are still learning how to play playoff basket ball and they are already one win away from their goal. The have grown in every series and become a better team each step of the way. They learned the need for intensity in every game during opening to rounds. They learned all about taking care of their business on the road against Detroit. They learned that the Laker's will fold under pressure if they keep applying pressure and that includes Kobe and the coach. They now know that they are truly the best team in the NBA. Perhaps the media will realise that now. The band wagon is going to be awfully crowed when this is all over.

In the end the Big Three will have their collective championship. Doc Rivers will get the recognition he truly deserves. Same for Ainge. I truly think there will be more championships in the Celtic's future. Veterans looking for that elusive ring will be heading East not West to acquire that ring. Oh yeah the rest of the basketball world will be still looking for the next "Michael" cause Kobe ain't it(to many character flaws). In the End Paul Pierce gets his jersey in the rafters and a bust in the Hall of Fame.

Our controversial game

KMP Softball update
So, those that follow my blog, might already know we have a game from Monday under protest. Now, Malach wasn't at the game, instead he was sweltering in a Elementary School Gym for his son's Kindergarten Graduation.

So, here's what occurred. We were playing the Isotopes, a team we are very competitive with (currently they are in 3rd, we are in 1st). We were the home team, went into the bottom of the 7th (we play 7) tied in the last inning. Let's set the scene. 2 out, Justin is on first, our best hitter, and our left power hitter is up. He hits a rocket of a shot down the right field line; the right fielder was for some reason playing 30' off the line. The hit, went past the foul pole and rolled, Justin is already heading home, Darren just rounded 2nd and is headed for 3rd, when the manager of the other team calls a ground rule double, which of course freezes everything. The hit was hit so hard, it went over the asphalt path about 300' out and continued rolling.

Well, we have never had any type of hitting ground rule there, so the opposing manager is immediately questioned about it (remember it is our home field, with our ground rules). He states, that during the Championship last year, an umpire (the only time we use umpires in the playoffs, another story) called that same type of hit a ground rule double. Darren, who was the acting manager, argued a bit, but since he is not the true manager agreed to abide by that rule we had never heard of, and if we lost the game, he would protest. Needless to say the next batter pops out, and the Isotopes go on to win in 8th.

Of course, the game in now under protest. I want the win, which we should have and Malach has pulled out all the stops. Here is a satellite image of Livesey Field where we play, with highlighted boundaries.

As you can see, the path crosses into Fair territory and about 300' out, in addition, the path does not make a good out-of-play/ground rule boundary as it runs pretty much parallel to the field. Theoretically, one could hit a 500' shot and it would still be called a ground rule double? In addition, in left field, approximately 350' away, there is a skate park, and we have never called a ground rule double for that either (even when it was easier to do with metal bats). I also argued, that we play in a field in Westport, which does have hitting ground rules. Here is a satellite image of that field.

As you can see, the field in surrounded by woods, and is kind of in the middle of the woods (remind to tell you about all the animal encounters there; yeah it is very "If you build it they will come"). In deep right field, approximately 300' away, if it rolls into the woods, it is a ground rule triple (in the air a home run). So, with that being said, if the hit at Livesey is going to be anything it would have to be a ground rule triple, right, which means we still win.

Of course there are a lot more debates/arguments to this, including playing under rules one team does not know about; my batter adjusting his swing based on ground rules; and that we have been playing there for 8 years, more than 120 games and have never once called any type of ground rule there.

I will keep you updated with the goings on with this game.

I am Malach, and I should of been a lawyer.

Soriano

Alfonso Soriano gets hurt in a Cubs win last night and it looks like he's going to be gone for about 6 weeks. This should have me horribly depressed, but I'm really not that worried. The Cubs can just call up Hoffpauir from AAA and use him, Edmonds, and Reed Johnson as a platoon for LF and CF. Hoffpauir was hitting real well before he got sent down and, even when he wasn't getting hits, he was having good at-bats. The Cubs have also played well without Soriano in the past. Lee will need to pick it up, though, to keep things going for the team (although he's been hitting in most games of late and has been going either 1-3 or 1-4 with an RBI).
I'm still a little nervous about the pitching, but Dempster's complete game (only 117 pitches or so) last night helps to calm me down. Lily also pitched well the night before (6.2/3 and 3 ER). However, the Cubs need one more starter to get dominant and really take it to another level. I've heard rumors about snagging Sabathia, but I don't know, we'll see.

Eighty Million Dollars a Game

No, that's not Kobe Bryant's paycheck. That is the estimated NET revenue the NBA stands to make off of every game in the Finals. As we know, either team needs four games to win. The least amount of games that can be played. This is called a sweep. The maximum amount of games they can play is seven, hence the term 'best out of seven'.

Well, I coined it here first. Any decent seven game series is now called a 'jackpot'. If the Celtics and Lakers go to seven games, they are going for a 'jackpot'.

It's appropriate in three ways.

1. NBA makes close to a billion dollars off of the series.
2. It's anyone's game to win.
3. It's the BIG PAYOFF!

Jackpot.

The sweep is unlikely. The 'jackpot' is most likely the outcome. That seems to be a contradiction, BUT, every jackpot has a guaranteed payout eventually. Only one can win.

Jackpot.

The series so far is going according to form. Boston held the fort at home (just like we did to those tinny British), now we go to LA to see who IS the better team. If LA wins three in LA, we're back to square one and nobody knows. If Boston wins one or more... HAHA LALAs!

LA will win all three. The Celtics will win the next one and then Game Seven in Boston.

Either way, Jackpot. For the NBA.

The Math Says The Lakers can not win

A basketball game has 48 minutes spread into 4 quarters. Each quarter has 12 minutes which equates to 720 seconds. By rule each team can only possess the ball for 24 seconds before the ball must hit the rim or the ball is turned over to the other team and their 24 second possession begins. This establishes a minimum number of times each team must touch and possess the basketball per quarter. That number is 15(720sec/24sec/2teams=15 possessions). The Celtics would like to play at that pace and the Lakers would like the pace at least twice as fast. The reality is that the pace will fall somewhere in between. Offensive rebounds increases each teams number of possessions. Turnover do the same thing. Shooting fouls add an untimed possesion for the shooting team .
The ideal situation for the Lakers is to possess the ball 120 times and shoot 45% . That would give them 108 points(120x.45=54x2=108). I think we would all agree if the Lakers score 108 points the will beat the Celtics. Their problem is the can not force the Celtics to play at that pace.
The Celtics would like to keep the Lakers possessions down to about 90 for the game. That would hold their score down to about 81 points(90x.45=40.5x2=81). I think we would all agree the Lakers can not beat the Celtics if they only score 81 points.
The issue then becomes who can enforce their will on their opponent. It is pretty simple. Defensive will is easier to impose than offensive will. The Celtics are the best defensive team in basketball. The Lakers need to run the offense in 12 to 14 seconds. They can do this when playing against the teams in the west. They can not against this Celtic team. These Celtics force their opponents to use 20 to 22 seconds on each possession and that results in bad shoots as the 24 second clock is about to expire. It is almost impossible to maintain a 45% shooting percentage when you are launching desperation shoots as that clock runs out. These Celtics are a superior rebounding team than these(or just about any NBA team) Lakers ever hoped to be. The fewer rebounds the fewer possessions the lower the score the lower the chances the Lakers have of winning.
Look at Thursday's box score it is text book. Celtics shot 32/76 42.1% Lakers 32/77 41.6%. Advantage Celtics. Three point shooting Celtics 6/19 31.6% Lakers 3/14 21.4% Advantage Celtics. Foul shooting Celtics 28/35 80%. Lakers 21/28 75%. Again advantge Celtics. Celtics rebounding 46 total 10 offensive Lakers 33 total 7 offensive. Once again advantage Celtics. When you win all the important rebounding stat the rest will normally fall in line. That is exactly what happened on Thursday.
The Lakers will have to impose their offensive will on the Celtics 4 times. Can they do that? I do not think so. The Celtics need to impose their defensive will 3 times. Can they do that? I think so. The numbers say that they will.

People Who Hate Sports

This post doesn't apply to people who think that watching sports on tv is boring, just to people who hate all sports entirely.

People who hate sports . . .
You know the people that I'm talking about. They consider themselves to be intellectuals, avant-garde, and better than the interests of the simple man. They sit around at coffee-houses and read classic literature while decrying people who read books for entertainment as opposed to intellectual stimulation. They wear "spectacles" instead of glasses and attending art shows and poetry readings.
Well I have one thing to say to those people, FUCK YOU.
You aren't any better than anyone else. You're probably just some post-modern idiot who lacks even the most basic level of creativity or artistic ability and make up for it by trying to be weird in order to draw attention to how pathetic you really are. You surround yourself with other weridos in an attempt to make yourself feel better about being a total loser.
Sure, sports may be the opiate of the masses, but sports are entertaining. It is fun to watch sports, and it is fun to play sports. You may think that football is just televised brutality that leads to a desensitized America, but that is ridiculous. What leads to a desensitized America is not sports, but uncontrollable levels of crime in communities and bad parenting. Those are the problem, not sports.
And you know what? Sports is more fun than looking at someone who thinks that shitting in a bucket and calling it "performance art".

Hear me now and believe me later

CELTICS IN 6

Excitment

I haven't been able to say this in a long, long while, but I'm actually excited about the NBA finals. You have two excellent teams for the first time since probably the Jazz and the Bulls matched off. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing those Spurs teams play and win, but they never had a matchup quite like this one. I'm just going to sit back and watch this one.

The Upcoming Storm

C. Morris sent me an email, which he intends to clean up which exposes the 'Mixed Martial Arts' fraud.

I read it and I'm not sure I've got it right but, aparently, there's a reason this is a sport and not really effective in a real fight.

There where a few caveats atbout UFC 1 through 4, which he demonstrates, at least verbally, that ground fighting is a last ditch effort, used as a nice trick by the Gracie clan in the first few years, but that anyone who is willing to take a fight to the ground will end up on the ground unconscious, unless a mistake is made.

I'm afraid his arguements, based on a system designed by a few real fighters in the local area and beyond, are quite compelling.

In short, MMA might be dressed up pro wrestling.

Stay tuned.

NBA Finals Preview

The Depth Charts:

Los Angeles Lakers

Point Guard
Derek Fisher (!)
Jordan Farmar
Shooting Guard
Kobe Bryant (!!!)
Sasha Vujacic
Coby Karl (?)
Small Forward
Lamar Odom
Luke Walton
Ira Newble
Trevor Ariza
Power Forward
Vladimir Radmanovic
Ronny Turiaf
Center
Pau Gasol (!)
DJ Mbenga
Andrew Bynum (out)
Chris Mihm (?)

The Boston Celtics

Point Guard
Rajon Rondo (!)
Sam Cassell
Gabe Pruitt (out)
Shooting Guard
Ray Allen (!)
Eddie House
Tony Allen (out)
Small Forward
Paul Pierce (!!)
James Posey
Power Forward
Kevin Garnett (!!!)
Leon Powe
Brian Scalabrine
P.J. Brown
Center
Kendrick Perkins
Glen Davis
Scot Pollard (out)

Notes:

Boston had the best defense in almost every category during the regular season.

LA has the best scorer in the NBA and he is capable of winning at least one game on his own.

Paul Pierce is at his statistical best against the Lakers.

Pau Gasol has great range and speed, but horrible defense.

Lamar Odom cannot guard Kevin Garnett.

Vladi Radmanovic has great range and speed but cannot guard Paul Pierce.

The respective bench players are a weird matchup. There's bad matchups all over the place depending on the lineup the coaches go with.

Phil Jackson is a great coach.

Doc Rivers is a coach.

The Morris Wildcard: Can Kendrick Perkins outscore Pau Gasol? Probably not. But he will cause a rebounding nightmare for LA's bigmen? Yup. With Leon Powe and Glen Davis providing 12 fouls to give and P.J. Brown's veteran leadership, it might be a 4 guys versus 1 Gasol deal. That's a poison pill for either team and I don't like to guess which strategy will succeed.

The Least Interesting Matchup: Kobe versus anyone. Kobe will score 40 a night. Kobe will put up a decent defense on the inferior Ray Allen. Fun to watch for LA fans, but not fun to analyze. No drama.

The Skinny: Quit your job, stay up late, hide the women and the children and take the phone off the hook. This is the best championship matchup in any sport during the last two decades. This is like one of those hypothetical games people make up all the time. This is that 'what if' game that drunk guys in bars argue about except it's actually going to happen. If you have a pulse and can understand English, you will see a series that will give you chills, sweats, the runs and a headache. It's like a fun version of the flu. You cannot miss it. I don't care what time you have to go to bed. TIVO it or suck it up.

Prediction: Anyone who claims to know who will win is either stupid or works for ESPN (which values stupid above all other qualities in their on air personalities). Throw out the Vegas stuff. It could go 4, 5, 6, or 7 games and either team could win it in a sweep or a game seven miracle. This series has no solid logic, the teams have no history since LA aquired Pau Gasol, and it's LA Boston, a rivalry so intense and unpredictable (especially with the 2-3-2 format) that even the creators of LOST are backing away in fear. David Lynch must be directing.

Opinion: It has to go seven games or several thousand people will end up jumping off of their nearest high rise. Boston makes a better story if they win. The nation (outside of New England and any sane woman who hates aquitted rapists) wants LA to win because of the Boston Triangle (Sox, Patriots, Celtics). God has granted my final sports wish. I will finally know if He beat up his people for kicks, or is a kind and loving God. Go Celtics.

The World Is Ending

The Cubs are 37-21 and the best team in the MLB right now (by record, not sure about best overall). I'm trying not to think about it, because it's too much to handle intellectually.

Umpires

I've about had it with MLB umpires. They call fairly terrible strike zones, miss home runs, are reluctant to talk to other umpires to get calls right, all while trying to stop players and managers from engaging in the historic right to argue a call. I don't necessarily have a problem with MLB taking arguing out of the game, but I don't really like the way umpires go about dealing with an upset player or manager.
I was recently watching a Cubs game where Mark DeRosa fairly pointed out that the umpire was being very inconsistent in calling low strikes which forced batters to swing at pitches they normally wouldn't were it not for the umpire's idiocy. DeRosa just cussed and yelled something and then turned away. The umpire, though, tried to show DeRosa up and got in his face and tried to keep the argument going. This is a common trend among umpires. I've seen umpires walk players who said something about the strike zone back to the dugout as if threatening to beat the player up if another word is spoken and Bob Brenly got tossed because he refused to put his hands down after the umpire told him to (Brenly had them to show his disgust with a call).
Now, the reason that the umpires want players and managers to stop arguing is because umpires think that it shows a lack of respect for the umpires. Well, that's a two-way street. If you yell and carry on back at the player or manager, you're being just as disrespectful. You may think that you are justified in responding in the same childish fashion that the manager is, but you are not. No, MLB umpires, two wrongs do not make a right. I think I recall being told several times that the bigger man just walks away. That's what the refs in the NFL do, they let the players say their piece and move on. In the NBA, the refs are much better about explaining calls to the players and the managers.
The MLB umpires should follow that course and teach umpires to try and be patient and not to yell back. There is nothing wrong with arguing a call, but it should be done respectfully. If it isn't, the umpire can simply say that unless the player or manager acts with the proper degree of respect, he will refuse to talk and tell the manager or umpire to go sit down (I've seen this done several times and it works pretty well). If the player or manager continues to act outrageously, then toss him. But don't act all bush league and go out of your way to show people up.
COME ON!!!

All hail the Fatties

Bartolo Colon, welcome to Red Sox Nation!
Now that Colon is in the starting rotation, I think the Red Sox are officially the fattest team in baseball. Between Schilling, Ortiz, and Colon, you got pounds of flesh. Hopefully they will make a mid season trade for CC Sabathia, or Prince Fielder to make this team complete. John Henry you do Mo Vaughn proud. Go Sox!

Kimbo Slice/Uriah Faber
So, we all got see Kimbo ground game get exposed on the Elite XC show Saturday. Now there is some talk that he will be fighting Brett Rodgers, who can bang as hard as Kimbo, but is a much more complete fighter. Kimbo might be too old now to get good enough to fight some of the top fighters in MMA. Can you imagine this guy trying to take on some of the UFC heavyweights? Kimbo is turning into a modern day Tank Abbot.

Also, what was up with the dancers? Got a little to WWE there Elite XC.

On the other hand, now that Uriah Faber has fought a great fighter like Jens Pulver, in a real war, I don't think that there is anyone who will beat him in that weight class. Maybe the most complete fighter in the world right now. . . I would love to see him fight BJ Penn, either BJ dropping weight or Faber going up. Faber might be at that point where Andersen Silva is having to move up weight to find good opponents.

Celtics/Lakers
Malach is going out on a limb here and taking the Celtics in 6 or 7. Yes, the world and the "experts" think I am crazy. Yes, Kobe Bryant in the greatest rapist player since Michael Jordan, but I will tell you why. The Lakers do not match up well vs. the Celtics. Who is supposed to go toe to toe with Garnet, Allen, Pierce? Pierce should have a field day, being covered by Odom, and watch for Rondo vs. Fisher, trust me on this one, Fisher cannot defend Rondo's penetration. Perkins will cover Gasol, and beat him around, Gasoll is not a physical player. Radmanovic is going to cover Garnet? No? How about Gasol? The Lakers don't have enough defense to stop the Celtics attack.

Unlike many sports, the cliche that defense wins championships is more true in basketball that maybe any other sport. I think the most telling stat is the Lakers are giving up 101 points per game in the playoffs, while the Celtics are only giving up 89. The key is going to be the 2 - 3 - 2 format, almost forcing the Celtics to win the first two at home.

I can't wait.

HEY NBA!
What the Hell happened to 1PM and 6PM games? Aren't you the ones desperate for expanded viewership? How are kids supposed to watch these 9:00PM starts? How are you supposed to bring in the young generation of basketball fans? What, you expect them as teenagers to turn to you after years of afternoon Football, Baseball, and even NASCAR? Get your head out of your ass David Stern! And while you at it, do something about the most incosistent officiating in all of sports! It's kind of scary when I agree with Mark Cuban and Rasheed Wallace in the same 10 day time span.

Speaking of Rasheed, is there anyone out there beside Kimbo Slice who would want to meet him in a back alley?

Is Anyone Else Tired of This?

If you are not a sports fan, please go read some other crappy blog.

No welcome post. Let's get right to it. ESPN is horrible. Ever since ABC bought the Ultimate Sports Network (go on, have a look), the personalities have become caricatures of typical sports stereotypes. I won't even get into the whole ethnic issue, but we can all agree that these employees are told to stick to the colored type on the monitor, shuffle when whipped, and talk about their mama's lasagna on cue. I'm shocked they don't have a submisive sexy asian anchor and a French guy with a beret and a wet spot on his fly.

It's even worse than that, though. Try getting anything but a cliche or some quote ripped from some local newspaper from these shills. Look. Play the highlights you fat fuck and tell me who won the game. I don't care if you sound like Curly, Shemp or a white Spike Lee impersonator, just let me see what the fuck happened and keep your bone headed opinion to yourself.

Oh, and please stop calling these network rejects 'analysts' because they can read a teleprompter and spew out hack job sports lingo with no substance. If I want to listen to someone break a game down, I'll call my fucking Dad. He can tell you what pitch Bob Stanley threw in 1983 in the third with three men on, two outs at the end of a day night double header in June and why the whole fucking game went to hell because the fucking guy never should have been brought in in a high pressure situation when the fans already wanted to kill him and his family very slowly in front of the rest of the team to set an example.

Maybe Stanley wasn't on the team at that point. I don't know. But if he was, Dad would know and I'd ask him about it.

And the newspapers. They make shit up these days.

The websites have the same 8 stories for five days, twenty four hours a day.

The radio has fat guys that failed in television or broadcasting games who shout at callers no matter what the conversation is and all I want is some freaking sports!

So, in order to combat this nonsense, a few of the guys and me are going to write some sports stuff for you to ponder. We will try and leave our Boston Hats off and give you unbaised opinions, like the fact that LeBron James is the most talented disappointment in the NBA since Ralph Sampson (but maybe it's not his fault entirely because he was playing with Wally Kzrbyaaak), or like the fact that when we used to chant 'Yankees Suck' it was due to insecurity, but now it's actually true, but you can't blame us if we get a little supportive of our home teams because no matter how good they get, the rest of you nimrods in the United States will always think Wilt Chamberlain was better than Bill Russel and NO we are NOT going to let it slide, get it?

So, okay. First item up for pondering is why all od ESPN's experts pick the Lakers to beat the Celtics in the NBA Finals?

1. Hating Boston Teams = Good Ratings
2. No one there can do simple math like Kobe + Odom + Gasol Bill Simmons please? Here's a Boston turncoat to trump Benedict Arnold. Just read a part of this and then this.

Bill, you fucking fake assed LA sellout. This is enough to make me wish Whitey Bulger would come back to town for a week and come eat dinner with your family in that crappy 3 bedroom shack you paid $590,000 for in the 'other part' of Los Angeles. You're not a sports writer. Your not a sports fan. You're a fucking clown and a sellout and have less talent than Buddy Thomas from the New Bedford Standard Times. There's a reason you headline 'Page Two' of ESPN's website, which is the trash pile for rejected articles from their magazine, which I hear is going under soon.

So, anyways. I hope most of you sports fans will join us here at the Unpaid Sports Writers Blog for more unbaised reporting headed insight.