Is There a Draft In Here?

Something keeps me up at night. An early morning draft. So, with a live draft online tomorrow, I find myself doing the endless loop of a walk through. Some people mock fantasy football. They get all huffy and wonder why I get so involved. Usually I tell them, "Well, it's more fun than talking to you, and I take that seriously."

The truth is, I don't care if it's a game of pick-up-sticks against a spallpox infected 4 year old cripple girl that I've been bribed a hundred million dollars to lose to, I play to win.

Playing to win means:

1. Being the most prepared.
2. Waiting for the right time to take a calculated risk.
3. Never letting up on the taser.

You tase, then you tase again, then you tase.

So, I've got three cheat sheets. One generic (to predict opponents tendencies and keep myself in check). One custom with all non-Murk players removed. And one for emergencies, oddball picks, and bombing out all the talent from the late rounds, affectionately called 'The Bitch List'.

Shock and Awe. Then tase.

So, I'll give you three curveballs. If you see these picks during your draft, the dude making them is pulling something funny.

First: No quarterbacks in the first five rounds and then he busts out with Matt Ryan and Jon Kitna. This is a classic, pioneered by 'the Don' in the early nineties. The point, pick risk-reward QBs late and wait for someone on waivers to emerge, or one of your goofy guys to come up reasonably big. Papa Murk and I did this one year with Testaverde and when a Guy Named Trent Green went down for the Rams, we picked up a then studly Kurt Warner. He then went on to win an MVP and a Superbowl.

Second: Chris Johnson, RB Tennessee. Nobody checks the second back on the Titan's depth chart unless a). they're from Tennessee, b). they're an insufferable draftnic. If you see a guy pick him up, he's going to bust your balls wide open late in the draft. He'll even straight shoot you a nice 10th round pick, because he can, because he's not worried about your team and because he wants to make sure you don't accidently fuck up his Tim Hightower bomb on his next pick.

Third: If you see a fellow drafter go one, two, three on running backs, don't panic. This is an old old trick. Kill the late round RB bargains and get three top 20 running backs. Warning: It will work for him, because he planned his draft that way. It will not work for you, who has Randy Moss and Tony Romo in your top ten.

So, whether your draft is today, tomorrow, or some other stupid day, good luck to you. Get some sleep if you can.